An Inside from 10/04/2014

I find myself often imagining having an imaginary conversation with random people, like I am a successful singer or dancer or even a pron star... ! Just someone who has the audacity to show themselves in front of others and just don't care. I have convinced myself that only in my dreams, that's the only place where I could be confident, joyful and happy...That's why it's extremely difficult to imagine having a real life a normal one where I could BE with people and deal with them and maybe bring a new person to this life...It's too much, too good and too normal for a hopeless person like me. I know that I am lucky to have found this amazing perfect exciting man who did many good things to me and want to be with me to marry me and have a family together....;that's what I have been dreaming of my whole life, but it's just a dream, I don't see why someone like him would be in love with someone like me, I don't want him to marry me out of pity, I don't want to be a burden for him, instead I want to be full of energy and love life and laugh.. I can't laugh and he loves to laugh so much and I find myself faking, acting like I'm happy when deep inside I know I can't, I have been scared for life ...