Well... Nothing goes right in my life right now ... again..

So I will just write about it, like I used to do .. Nothing new, feels like nothing can save me and I kind of laugh at myself trying to catch anything that has a hopeful nature ....................

So I have decided to make this blog my diary and also delete all the stupid pictures I put in it. It's a fucking depressing diary, nothing more.

It feels so old and so stupid to repeat all the sad ideas and thoughts that I feel now and that I re-feel every time I find myself confronting myself....

now I'm back to this old room, the same room where I had horrible thoughts, where I made horrible decisions ... now after all the " success " I thought I made, I'm back to this and there is nothing I can do.

If I go out, I know what kind of world I'm going out to, and it's not what I need, can't go out and just be by my self in this small town where I don't need to know anyone.

My fiancee is away. and I can't be with him because of this stupid world I live in. I have to wait for other people to make a decision about MY LIFE.

I'm ready to get mad at them. I'm so ready but in the same time I know that screaming at them won't be the solution it will make the situation worse.................................

really don't know what to do. tired of waiting, I have to do something......... I'm so mad.